AT HOME IN THE RAIN

A rainy cool day. Phone calls with Arkue and then a surprise visit from the Girls and  their aunt and cousin. Just lovely. Got some food into me.Little bit. Little bit. Facetimed with Eden and now bed with the rain still falling. 

I drive out to Amoonguna to tell family he is right  I sit down with his Aunty, round the campfire, in the night         I ask her to explain the pelicans and the meaning of the sign  She laughs and whispers, 

‘Arrangkwe just 2 pelicans in the sky!’

ALI COBBY ECKERMANN


Poet’s Note: arrangkwe – (arrente word) means no, nothing, no-one

I live this strange small life of being almost entirely at home alone. Of eating almost no food at all. Of sleeping almost all of everyday. I am no longer at ease amongst other people – but I am deeply at ease within myself – most of the time. Of very little shopping or eating out. I graze from the vegies in the garden. 

Perhaps I am mixing a little piece of Nana in the Girls. One that they can each carry for the rest of their lives. Pieces of me passing into my Girl and my Boy. Perhaps I am dissolving. Shimmering as JB called it. And leaving them just some of the best of me. Perhaps one day they will use it. 

When I looked at Izzy lying in the dirt of the road, it seemed to me that his goodness and desire to be of good was simply more than his body could hold and it seemed to me that he had splintered into millions of shards of light and gone dancing off to all the people places and things that needed him.

As for me I do the opposite. I gradually fade away. Gradually shimmer to there is little left of Lynne in the world. I am now as fragile as the white hibiscus I loved at the Beachshack. Translucent.

FROM MY FRIEND KATHY EARSMAN.   SYLVAN SPRITES. 

Seeing Things

At dawn, when sunshine spills across the grass, 
my eye is drawn to fuzzy globes of light 
that float and flit on gauzy wings. They pass 
down low to skim the dandelions, their flight 
controlled, describing angles as they go 
criss-crossing rapidly without a pause 
which makes it hard to see them clearly, though 
here’s one that hovers near, defying laws 
of physics… Oh. It’s just a dragonfly. 
A pity, for I thought I’d seen the dance 
of sylvan sprites. Ah, Mother Nature’s sly: 
for where there’s prey there’ll always be a chance,
and here’s a tic-tac-toe of silver webs 
to catch the morning fairies by the legs. 



© Copyright 2002 Kathy Earsman

PERHAPS NOT EVEN A DRAGONFLY. PERHAPS THE SYLVAN SPRITE

STORMY SATURDAY

Well the spectacular exertion of yesterday left me in bed once more.Didn’t matter. Read the Lee Child book. Ate strawberries and tomatoes from the garden and a lettuce leaf.  My Eden people are on Facetime. Jaybee is carving and Poppy is doing something or other for her sister. Kathy is 19 today.

Jaybee recommended a book for me and I bought it on iBooks. Doesn’t appeal to me but he is my main source of new authors and he REALLY likes this one so I shall venture in.

Outside the weather is wet and a little wild. 

Inside is snug.

A WALK. A DRIVE. A TRIP TO THE PROV.

AND A STRANGE PACKAGE FROM NAWS.

I am rather better today. I walked to the Girls’ and celebrated Miss 5 and her next orientation for school next year. I went with them on school pickup and I even went into the Prov. 

I have been on Facetime with Eden all evening. 

And now I am preparing for bed.

SEPSIS ON MY MIND

BY ZOE C. 

Another hand full of pills
Another time I’ve lost all will
Another yelp as I move
Another promise times will improve

Another scare as I lose my sight
Another battle to try and fight
Another series of painful tests
Another long well needed rest

Another day
Another deep breath
Another reminder of the love surrounding me
Another loving message from my family
Another blessing in disguise
Another friendship found for life
Another…..

I AM LOST

Brisbane Telegraph (Qld. : 1948 – 1954), Saturday 15 September 1951

HIBISCUS HEART,” by M, Forrest. (Hutchinson).

‘ Oh! “Wind of the world apart.

You have trodden the trail of theThousand Ways

Of the star-white night —

of thesun-lit days

To the red hibiscus heart!

Kiama Independent, and Shoalhaven Advertiser (NSW : 1863 – 1947), Thursday 1 May 1873

i fade

i shimmer

transparency comes

ROSIES DAY AND A PICNIC

Each night I sit here, yearning for the words that would make some sense of what is happening to me but finding only scraps.

I dont know what is happening. Sometimes I think I am slowly dying. Slowly fading away. I am just SO ill and so weak and I have run out of any ideas about how to get help. 

So the days come and I cherish the hours – But I cant walk more than a few metres and I can’t play as I would like to do. At the moment I have head fuzz as well and am just so very sick.

Today, Miss 5 came for a picnic and we were so happy. We played in water and made potions and lotions and the enormity of the love still brings a couple of tear even hours later. I have a desire to call my boy. I dont know how long I can go on like this. 

I can play just a little. But I cant take her for a drive or go swimming. I want to go to Eden but I can’t face that trip. 

Most days and for the major part of every day, I am able to accept what I CAN DO and leave go of the rest – but today I am a little beaten and solemn. I vomit when I eat. I have pain in my side. My vision is blurred. And I keep thinking I am in a Farewelling. 

O God. My house is clean. I had a beautiful day. But I am so very sick.

JUST STAY BEATEN. JUST PLAIN GIVE UP.

QUIETLY

IN Bed. But most of you know that many of my days are IN BED.

I was able to get my daughter an early 40th birthday present. Well, she went and bought them and she looked happy.

It is sweet indeed to see one’s adult children happy. Mothering adults is a painful business as one’s own role in their lives changes and there is simply less and less to do for them.

So, today was sweet indeed. 

Bill W. Recounts His Spiritual Awakening – Recovery Speakers

So I called in the doctor and tried to tell him, as best I could, what had happened. And he said, “Yes, I have read of such experiences but I have never seen one.” I said, “Well doctor, examine me, have I gone crazy?” And he did examine me and said, “No boy, you’re not crazy. Whatever it is, you’d better hold onto it. It’s so much better than what had you just a few hours ago.” Well, along with thousands of other alcoholics, I have been holding on to it ever since.      But that was only the beginning. And at the time, I actually thought that it was the end, you might say, of all my troubles. I began there, out of this sudden illumination, not only to get benefits, but to draw some serious liabilities. One of those that came immediately was one that you might call Divine Appointment. I actually thought, I had the conceit really to believe, that God had selected me, by this sudden flash of Presence, to dry up all the drunks in the world. I really believed it. I also got another liability out of the experience, and that was that it had to happen in some particular way just like mine or else it would be of no use. In other words, I conceived myself as going out, getting hold of these drunks, and producing in them just the same kind of experience that I had had. Down in New York, where they knew me pretty well in the A.A., they facetiously call these sudden experiences that we sometimes have a “W.W. hot flash.” I really thought that I had been endowed with the power to go out and produce a “hot flash” just like mine in every drunk.      Well, I started off; I was inspired; I knew just how to do it, as I thought then. Well, I worked like thunder for 6 months and not one alcoholic got dried up. What were the natural reactions then? I suppose some of you here, who have worked with alcoholics, have a pretty good idea. The first reaction was one of great self-pity; the other was a kind of martyrdom. I began to say, “Well, I suppose that this is the kind of stuff that martyrs are made of but I will keep on at all costs.” I kept on, and I kept on, until I finally got so full of self-pity and intolerance (our two greatest enemies in the A.A.) that I nearly got drunk myself. So I began to reconsider. I began to say, “Yes, I found my relief in this particular way, and glorious it was and is, for it is still the central experience of my whole life. But who am I to suppose that every other human being ought to think, act and react just as I do? Maybe were all very much alike in a great many respects but, as individuals, we’re different too.” ~ Bill W. (June 1945)

Source: Bill W. Recounts His Spiritual Awakening – Recovery Speakers

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SoberPunks

A sweary alcohol recovery blog written by a Yorkshireman

Process Not An Event

Adventures in Addiction Recovery & Cancer Survival

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

The Devil Drinks Vodka

A mom, wife and professional's journey on recovering from addiction

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

HEAL & GROW for ACoAs

ACoA Recovery Issues (adult-children of alcoholics & other narcissists)

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LIGHT ON THE THRESHOLD

WHERE TO START WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START

My life and other sordid tales

biographical, non-fiction

I am Responsible

Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings in Mountain City, Tennessee

emotionspassion.com

Emotional musings

Rowing from Home to Home

Singapore to New Zealand - 12,000km by human power!

existential ergonomics

sustainable systems & storytelling

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