I am very ill. A heavy cold but nowadays that scares me. Trouble breathing. Wheeze. In 2014, the onset of the major illness was so cute that the fear lingers still.
We had another funny day. Spring loaded trampolining. Lunch at Toormina Hotel. Food shop at Aldi and then home but coming home we hit a big storm so it was rather nervewracking. Nonetheless it was another good day but it has taken me rather close to real sickness. 3 days in a row of busyness.
I read this today from the ICU Survivors support group. :
This may be a bit of a strange post, but here goes anyway!
I’ve just had my 10th icu stay (in just under 3 years – due to the neuromuscular disease I have) though thankfully this time it was a very uncomplicated stay and more as a precaution than a life or death need.
Ironically I was back inn the same room.where I lay in May in a medically induced coma.
I had really bad delirium/psychosis and went through the living hell you all know.
In particular I became fixated on the wall clock.
Time went so so slow…minute after torturous minute passed like a day.
The clock had arms, legs and an evil face.
With every tick.of the second hand it was like a dripping tap and driving me crazy.
My time line was all messed up and the date on the clock just kept adding to my torment.
I know to anyone outside this group it just seems mad, but even in the weeks after coming home, I had to take down the two wall clocks in our home.
At night I still had terrible dreams and the clock was always there….
ICU sends you crazy right….
Well, yesterday I got to hold my demon…
I.actually cried and I could never post this outside of this group.
But here’s me in “room 5” in May…in the awful twilight zone and here I am yesterday facing what was literally a demon x
For me it was the jug of cold iced water on the table over my bed. I couldn’t move. I couldnt speak. I was plugged into many things and this damned jug of water sat in front of me. I was SOO thirsty. I could not even speak to tell them to get rid of it.
Here is another post from Facebook
hi. I am a RN and it will be 4 yrs ago I had influenza, H1N1, bilateral pneumonia then ARDS. I was vented for 2 weeks. I do not remember even going to the hosp.
Today my breathing is great but..my short term memory is terrible and my body hurts all over. it is difficult to do things like I use to. There are days I can’t open the door without pain or needing to use both hands on the knob.
I am able to work full time but I am exhausted half way through the day.
I am petrified about the upcoming flu season! Sleeping is rough. If my husband is not home I must sleep with a nightlight on.( for goodness sakes..I am 50 years old!)
sorry for venting but no one in my family understands this.
AND ANOTHER
After reading your story, so crazy to think that you’re not alone. I have almost an identical story to yours! I was a critical care nurse, now a certified charge nurse, 50 years old, working full time and I don’t pick up overtime anymore, and terrified of this upcoming flu season. contracted flu with bilateral pneumonia then ARDS then, life flighted down to legacy Emanuel Of which I have no memory. placed on ECMO at my hospital Due to instability; they told my husband and girls to kiss me goodbye. then transported Down to Legacy to the neuro trauma unit; and unforgivable ICU delirium. I remained there for a couple weeks then doing so well they put me in the ICU this was the downgrade my body is sore often i’m tired a lot I’m a pretty positive person and I don’t want to complain my family; wouldn’t understand. my short term memory is terrible and they tell me your memories never been real good BUT ITS WORSE I want to tell them. The things that we endured, both them and I, none of us want to recall. I have PTSD and I frequently migrate back to my bedroom to get out of the fray family, even I have a wonderful family.
AND AS FOR ME
I am very seriously going through the after effects of these years now. I get a bit sick and its a terrifying thing. The expectation is that I will die or end up in hospital or something equally sinister. It is not even conscious fear. Just a curious reaction. It is quite odd to witness oneself . I dont know why I find it odd when it has been a part of my life for many years but this one is taking me someplace vastly different and I find it odd.
the SILVERBIRD 12 