Category Archives: SHOPPING


I am very ill. A heavy cold but nowadays that scares me. Trouble breathing. Wheeze. In 2014, the onset of the major illness was so cute that the fear lingers still. 

We had another funny day. Spring loaded trampolining. Lunch at Toormina Hotel. Food shop at Aldi and then home but coming home we hit a big storm so it was rather nervewracking. Nonetheless it was another good day but it has taken me rather close to real sickness. 3 days in a row of busyness.

I read this today from the ICU Survivors support group. :

This may be a bit of a strange post, but here goes anyway!
I’ve just had my 10th icu stay (in just under 3 years – due to the neuromuscular disease I have) though thankfully this time it was a very uncomplicated stay and more as a precaution than a life or death need.

Ironically I was back inn the same room.where I lay in May in a medically induced coma.
I had really bad delirium/psychosis and went through the living hell you all know.
In particular I became fixated on the wall clock.
Time went so so slow…minute after torturous minute passed like a day.
The clock had arms, legs and an evil face.
With every tick.of the second hand it was like a dripping tap and driving me crazy.
My time line was all messed up and the date on the clock just kept adding to my torment.
I know to anyone outside this group it just seems mad, but even in the weeks after coming home, I had to take down the two wall clocks in our home.
At night I still had terrible dreams and the clock was always there….
ICU sends you crazy right….
Well, yesterday I got to hold my demon…
I.actually cried and I could never post this outside of this group.
But here’s me in “room 5” in May…in the awful twilight zone and here I am yesterday facing what was literally a demon x

For me it was the jug of cold iced water on the table over my bed. I couldn’t move. I couldnt speak. I was plugged into many things and this damned jug of water sat in front of me. I was SOO thirsty. I could not even speak to tell them to get rid of it.

Here is another post from Facebook

hi. I am a RN and it will be 4 yrs ago I had influenza, H1N1, bilateral pneumonia then ARDS. I was vented for 2 weeks. I do not remember even going to the hosp. 
Today my breathing is great short term memory is terrible and my body hurts all over. it is difficult to do things like I use to. There are days I can’t open the door without pain or needing to use both hands on the knob.
I am able to work full time but I am exhausted half way through the day.
I am petrified about the upcoming flu season! Sleeping is rough. If my husband is not home I must sleep with a nightlight on.( for goodness sakes..I am 50 years old!)
sorry for venting but no one in my family understands this.


After reading your story, so crazy to think that you’re not alone. I have almost an identical story to yours! I was a critical care nurse, now a certified charge nurse, 50 years old, working full time and I don’t pick up overtime anymore, and terrified of this upcoming flu season. contracted flu with bilateral pneumonia then ARDS then, life flighted down to legacy Emanuel Of which I have no memory. placed on ECMO at my hospital Due to instability; they told my husband and girls to kiss me goodbye. then transported Down to Legacy to the neuro trauma unit; and unforgivable ICU delirium. I remained there for a couple weeks then doing so well they put me in the ICU this was the downgrade my body is sore often i’m tired a lot I’m a pretty positive person and I don’t want to complain my family; wouldn’t understand. my short term memory is terrible and they tell me your memories never been real good BUT ITS WORSE I want to tell them. The things that we endured, both them and I, none of us want to recall. I have PTSD and I frequently migrate back to my bedroom to get out of the fray family, even I have a wonderful family.


I am very seriously going through the after effects of these years now. I get a bit sick and its a terrifying thing. The expectation is that I will die or end up in hospital or something equally sinister. It is not even conscious fear. Just a curious reaction. It is quite odd to witness oneself . I dont know why I find it odd when it has been a part of my life for many years but this one is taking me someplace vastly different and I find it odd.


Well I went with the Girls to Toormina and we shopped. We ate at a Kebab shop and just plain had a good time. Then we came home to Bellingen and Miss 8’s dance class which she loves. I was able to go all day today and no bleeding at all. My precious days are these ones. The Little Girls and vibrant life. Children dancing. We saw a paddock filled with sheep. And when we came back to Dance another grandmother was there and she introduced hersef and we shook hands.


Off we went early again. Off to Toormina which is half an hour or so North and has a Mall and an Aldi. I am not the most renowned shopper in the world but I go with my Girls and stock up. I enjoyed today . I was so much better than I have been and able to walk and breathe .

I bought quite a few things and the mood of the day was light. Saw gave me a shopping list of things she wanted me to get so she could bake next time she is here. I just have to get Vanilla Essence and baking trays now and maybe eggs.

And a few SEPSIS Snippets because I want you and I want me to understand and KNOW that I am not crazy. I am ILL.

Graham :  It put my body and mind through hell but I know now that heaven is beautiful and I am not afraid

Jo : sepsis left me a shadow of my former self, even though it tried hard to kill my body and failed it managed to kill my soul

Jackie :  Sepsis, the loneliest path I’ve ever walked.

Judy : No one knows what I’ve truly been through but me. 

Nicki : Sepsis didn’t quite kill me, but it took a part of me with it

Katharine : I was physically healed, but left with debilitating cognitive issues which people don’t understand and often misinterpret as lazyness or being purposely difficult.



It rained tonight. Heavily with thunder and lightning. We’ve not had much of that for months.

I saw the Doctor in the morning. Most of my blood tests are very good. A slight rise in one of the Liver readings and the rest better than usual.

I have a container to take a urine sample in tomorrow to see what the lower abdomen pain is.

Could be just a 24 hour wog. Miss 8 was home from school with vomiting and Dorbie had been vomiting all day yesterday.I was able to mind the Girls while Kaybee checked on her.

It is Azalea season here. Many years ago we had an Azalea Festival. We don’t now but we still have azaleas.

And we have the Bower Birds. The Regent was back and I have not ever seen them as daring.

At the Kids’ Place, we enjoyed ourselves. And then I looked at the beautiful garden that my Girl is growing.

Miss 8 played the piano for me. No lessons. She just loves it.

And then when night came, the rain came.

I know my writing each day seems shallow but it is the container in which I dwell. The Everyday Living holds my collapsed being into some sort of form.

My Facetime with Eden. My son pleased with his new phone . I sent him my Samsung.

Each routine which is developing and holding fast feels like cardiac resuscitation. My blood begins to flow. My heart begins to beat and now is developing a rhythm. It begins to beat regularly.

I need that because like so many people with disaster in their lives, I am not alright. Not at all. I know that my loved ones simply want me to be OK. So I act as if. But I am not OK. I might never be okay again. In normal terms.

I am sitting here and I am happy enough. I love my new computer. I enjoy my routines. But I am truly truly strange within .


Yes it is SEPSIS month. I had SEPSIS in the September of 2014. I am as glad to have found out about Sepsis as I have been to find out about Addiction. Both of them are most unpleasant and difficult and each of them has made sense of things in my life which made only fractured sense before.

Today we went shopping as we do. Checked the pet shop. Ate at Maccas. Did Bunnings and the IGA at Boambee. The pulsing directed life throb which sustains me. It is most peculiar to live this way. A mind capable watching a body and person unable to do things. Unable to figure things out. I go out in Witness Mode with the functioning Lynne observing.  A deep acceptance has been with me for quite a while now and with that comes peace. Humour even accompanies it.

I do the Nana . Sit at the playground and discuss deep matters while her Mum can shop freely.

Then in the afternoon Mon and Mitch came and figured out quotes to be my yardworkers. They are young and vital and plain beautiful. They know what I mean when I describe something I would like. Organic garden and beautiful. And they help me out. Today he changed the outdoor light immediately.

While they were here the Bower Birds and King Parrots just came right on up close to us.

Day done.


I went to Toormina as we often do on a Monday. Kaybee, Miss 5 and me. There was a blackout in the shopping centre. We went in anyways and after a bit, the power came back on.

Bear with me whilst I settle into this new blog and do all the customising etc.

Today I have ignored every commitment I had. Every person who tried to contact me. I have been slipping back into a way of life which I dont WANT TO LIVE AND WHICH REDUCES ME TO DEPRESSION ONCE AGAIN.

So I packed it in today as I did tomorrow and general cheerfulness is returning.