I am home and almost unable to walk. I was thinking I felt pretty weak and the doctor just rang and said there is something amiss in my bloods and urine and I am to come in on Friday. I am relieved because I feel really very poorly. 

SUSTAINING me is the truly beautiful weekend which was rich in joy. 

My little girls just brought my macaroni and cheese up and stayed and played. We love those times.  The moon is out and looking good.

One of the delights of my life is the visits from the Little Ones and our chats and rambling discussions. The Doctor called twice today to say that the bloods and urines are abnormal. Candida is present and something in the blood. I am to go in on Friday. I have red cellulitis patch on the back of my leg and heavy fluid. I feel very very poorly and sometimes  it makes me sad.  I never truly expected to be driven into the places of the Spirit where I now dwell. Never really expected to be wondering whether I could keep breathing for another day or walk or eat. And I definitely didn’t expect that I would find a way to see richness joy and beauty in these times. 


On Friday I turned 69 years of age. After 2 weeks of being very ill, I went to the Valla NA weekend which we have spent so many months planning. I was in a wheelchair for the weekend which felt very strange but worked. My Girl drove me down and with the Little Girls we had lunch in the Valla Cafe. Then they took me to the Venue and booked me into my cabin and the Kids swam and played in the Cabin.  It was a weekend like the ones I first went to in early recovery. Simply Magic. Each thing fell into place. People played a part and Some very fine people were there. I shall not write much tonight because I am still very weary but it fulfilled every hope I had had for it.


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Today was our Committee Meeting for the October weekend at Villa. I am still very unwell but Maybe took me down and they went to the beach while I was in the meeting. I was not very useful but I was impressed by the rest of the Committee. We just might pull this off.

Catering is organised and much of the Music. It could be good.

The Kids and me, we went for lunch at the Villa Cafe which is great food.

I am going to put some of the snippets from Facebook about Sepsis up because that is what is dominating my days at the moment. Even more than my Kids or the Weekend. I am very swollen with fluid. My hands are clawing. I can barely eat from the pressure of fluid. I am weak and struggling to even walk. And I am sinking into a depressed state.

It could be the Hep C. It could be many things. But the Sepsis is the one that matches the symptoms for me. Well – PSS rather than Sepsis. I am not flogging myself tonight and am beginning to lighten up o myself once more.


But I would like to breathe and move easily again.

I was just looking at a ;picture of a Peach that I was given for my 66th birthday at the Beachshack. I remember looking at it and realising that I had thought I would never again taste PEACH. I actually didn’t taste much of that one either because the Little Girl had never had one and seized it and was in Paradise. Much of my life is like that Peach. Suddenly I realise how many things I have put in the ” I will never again experience that” basket.

Like having a helpmeet and moving easily and all manner of things. Having a good car again and a boat. All manner of things.


So I sit here at night knowing that my emotions are dying. I can look at things and people I know I love and feel very little. I am so focussed on just surviving. And then as the night goes on I seem more able to breathe and I relax somewhat. Things seem safer and easier – late at night.



Post Sepsis Syndrome -PSS Support


How do you get diagnosed for PSS? I have all the symptoms from the page on sepsis trust, I had sepsis in December 2017 through pneumonia, since then I have been constantly ill, I’m only 27 and supposedly should be recovering quick and well according to my doctor, I haven’t had any professional help, support or after care. I have severe depression and anxiety. I don’t think my doctor knows what PSS is, how will I know if that is what I’m going through if the doctor doesn’t know? Has anyone got a diagnosis and how did you get that? Thanks for your replies in advance, any advice is appreciated


From full independence to bedbound, needing daily assistance. Thanks Sepsis.


People just don’t understand the aftermath, sepsis is life changing.


It changed me and I don’t recognize myself. I miss being me.


Fighting for your life, struggling to heal. It is a battle that creates warriors.


A paler more fragile shell of former self physically leaves you mentally fogged with only a ghost of your mind intact. pschycically with one part of you here ,another part of your spirit at the door of ethereal shadows .


Septic .,… I never knew was that meant until it attack me., I live my life wondering where it is now. On July 31, 2018 I was admitted to the hospital for 9 days I had my gallbladder removed. I fear that it’s around me but I can’t see it I can only feel it. The worst pain of my life. According to me I felt as if I was dying nobody explained anything to me. I was so scared I made a (Will) on my phone I emailed it to several people. I live my life so different then others. This sepsis monster has changed my life forever. I can’t sleep and if I sleep it’s a few hours, someone mentioned it’s from the antibiotics but does matter anymore it has taken my life but not my heart .!
I struggle each day but all I can do is just take it one day at a time.


Sepsis didn’t quite kill me, but it took a part of me with it.