Category Archives: BELLINGEN


I am becoming more and more ill.  Barely walking. Very giddy

My thinking is very befogged. Headaches. I am now 87 kilos – down from 100 kgs.

Miss 5 came visiting. I love that. And then CathVS came and brought us take away lunch.

But now bed for me . I am so dizzy. Still vomiting and very frightened.


I had a phone call at 9am from Miss 5. She wanted me to go and see their new ENORMOUS TV. I put her off till later but one hour later I got a Video call from her so I gave up on my  sleepin and headed up. It IS enormous.

Today was heavy flooding in Sydney. It looked like it would here but it passed over us.

I am on a new antibiotic. The ulcer on my leg is not going away.

One step

Stop and lean


Another step.


Today I took a walk and went visiting. Had a great time. Home made pizza and toys and bubbles.  I vomited at the table this time and couldn’t even get up to move away. 

We went for a drive for school pickup and I was going to tap dance but became  too ill. Miss 8 loves her tap dance.

I cooked steamed vegies tonight. My favourite meal and I have not had it for ages. Its rare that I can last an entire meal preparation but I did tonight and I feel well. 


Pretty much sums it up. 

I feel a little better and the car feels a little worse. 


DOROTHY DAY : “Writing is an act of community. It is a letter, it is comforting, consoling, helping, advising on our part, as well as asking it on yours. It is a part of our human association with each other. It is an expression of our love and concern for each other.”



I am rather better today. I walked to the Girls’ and celebrated Miss 5 and her next orientation for school next year. I went with them on school pickup and I even went into the Prov. 

I have been on Facetime with Eden all evening. 

And now I am preparing for bed.



It rained tonight. Heavily with thunder and lightning. We’ve not had much of that for months.

I saw the Doctor in the morning. Most of my blood tests are very good. A slight rise in one of the Liver readings and the rest better than usual.

I have a container to take a urine sample in tomorrow to see what the lower abdomen pain is.

Could be just a 24 hour wog. Miss 8 was home from school with vomiting and Dorbie had been vomiting all day yesterday.I was able to mind the Girls while Kaybee checked on her.

It is Azalea season here. Many years ago we had an Azalea Festival. We don’t now but we still have azaleas.

And we have the Bower Birds. The Regent was back and I have not ever seen them as daring.

At the Kids’ Place, we enjoyed ourselves. And then I looked at the beautiful garden that my Girl is growing.

Miss 8 played the piano for me. No lessons. She just loves it.

And then when night came, the rain came.

I know my writing each day seems shallow but it is the container in which I dwell. The Everyday Living holds my collapsed being into some sort of form.

My Facetime with Eden. My son pleased with his new phone . I sent him my Samsung.

Each routine which is developing and holding fast feels like cardiac resuscitation. My blood begins to flow. My heart begins to beat and now is developing a rhythm. It begins to beat regularly.

I need that because like so many people with disaster in their lives, I am not alright. Not at all. I know that my loved ones simply want me to be OK. So I act as if. But I am not OK. I might never be okay again. In normal terms.

I am sitting here and I am happy enough. I love my new computer. I enjoy my routines. But I am truly truly strange within .



“Geographers call this special something that makes a place unique its “genius loci” – literally, “the wisdom of place”.”


“Wendell Berry once wrote that “wisdom accumulates in a community the way fertility accumulates in soil”. Historically, people throughout the globe were so bound to their territory that their identity was inseparable from the places they were from.

But no longer. Today, our connection to place seems to be eroding as quickly as the topsoil Berry compares it to.

In the last century or two, it’s become common for us to skip from place to place like stones on a pond, crossing state and even national boundaries with ease. Car and air travel have lowered the time and expense of such journeys, and modern technologies like air conditioning, watershed engineering, and artificial fertilisers have opened up whole new areas to human habitation on a massive scale.

Meanwhile, mass media and globalised businesses have made moving seem less intimidating by lowering the cultural barriers to relocation.
The benefits of living in such a mobile society have been promoted for centuries: a more significant opportunity. Freedom from persecution. Better weather. But what are the trade-offs? What have we lost by becoming urban nomads?

According to a growing body of thinkers, a lot. Perhaps too much.
One unfortunate consequence of all this moving around is homogenization. When people stay put and relatively isolated from others, they develop unique ways of speaking, thinking, creating and working. That’s how Latin differentiated itself into French, Spanish and Italian, or how every Aboriginal people had a different set of iconography for their art.

Geographers call this special something that makes a place unique its “genius loci” – literally, “the wisdom of place”.

Today, genius loci is an endangered species. As we continue to globalise, we’re losing unique musical traditions, languages, folk remedies, land management practices and more at an alarming rate. The homogenising influence of the capitalist economy has been like taking a blender to a salad, turning a rich array of cultural flavours into a bland mush.

But reconnection to place is about more than mere cultural homogenization. The loss of genius loci also has profound consequences for our relationship with the natural world.

That’s because an itinerant society isn’t able to perceive the long-term rhythms of a place: how frequently it experiences extreme weather events, for example, or the intricate ways in which the various plants and animals in the ecosystem keep each other in check. Without this knowledge, we often end up causing great harm to ourselves and other species trying to fit in.

The bottom line? Until at least some of us rediscover what it means to become native to a place, we’ll continue to reproduce “cultures of nowhere” wherever we go, and our ignorance will continue to wreak havoc on the people and species around us.

Rebuilding genius loci – like any form of RESTORING CAPITAL – is a long, long, process. These days, it’s rare for someone to live in the same place for 20 years, let alone 20 generations.

A great many of us in Australia are relative newcomers, having arrived in the last few centuries by force or the promise of a better life. But that shouldn’t keep us from starting. Every great journey begins with the first step, and by asking the right questions, we can make great strides in adapting ourselves to the places in which we reside.”

Savour Soil Permaculturek



I opted out of everything today. The AA Rally. The NA Are Meeting. I slept till Noon. Then a text came asking whether the girls could come and visit.

Down they came in the rain. The first rain we have had for months and months. Umbrellas and Raincoats. We then had one of the best afternoons I have had. The busking amp and computers here and then to the Prov  for lunch. Me doing the driving with a booster seat I bought for Clara. We explored the whole town and went to the park at the Pool. The girls even conned me into using some of the adult equipment there.

It was happy day for me.

First day where I have been able and allowed to drive them around and take them out.

Macman has my computer underway.

I seriously MUST go on the instinct for happiness or I freak out and lose the plot. Enough for now. Bed for me.