THE LONELINESS AND THE SMALL DETAILS

 “Resting is not laziness, it’s medicine!”   Glenn Schweitzer

It is a tough path this one. I am now so confined to home through a combo of weakness and lack of a vehicle and steep hills. I am so weary and so ill that finally I have lost all humour about it. O God I could do with a companion who wasn’t fazed by this. 

 I seem to have dropped from 100kg to 89 with the infections dormant and the fluid dropped. That feels better. But everything else is so hard. So many things I would like to do and I cannot do them.

I wish I had someone who would take me for drives and maybe a saltwater swim.

I wish that I could see sustained improvement – but I can’t. Tonight a despair is settling upon me and a total dearth of ideas. 

I DID HOWEVER HAVE SOME GOOD TIMES EARLIER IN THE WEEK.

“If opening your eyes, or getting out of bed, or holding a spoon, or combing your hair is the daunting Mount Everest you climb today, that is okay.”  Carmen Ambrosio

“All great and precious things are lonely.” 
 John Steinbeck, East of Eden

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” 
 F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. 

I do not think that they will sing to me.” 
T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

“Sometimes you will be in control of your illness and other times you’ll sink into despair, and that’s OK! Freak out, forgive yourself, and try again tomorrow.” 

 Kelly Hemingway

 


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